I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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