omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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