I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
