I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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