Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
