Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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