We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize