I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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