It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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