Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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