the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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