she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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