at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
