apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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