He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
