if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
