I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
