the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
