Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize