u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
