She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
