Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
