I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
