So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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