I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
