I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
