why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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