Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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