i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
