I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
