Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
