who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
