When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize