her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.