its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."