We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish you could order shots online.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
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My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.