i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
