ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Randomize
