Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
