Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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