Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
