Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
