I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
