Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
