if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
