drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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