Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars