So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..