id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
