So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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