Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
