He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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