She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish you could order shots online.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
