how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
