Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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