I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
