can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
