If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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