I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
