we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize