i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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