One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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