he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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