Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
