I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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