I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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