walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
they call him Oral-B. enough said
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
