since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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