How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
