So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
