If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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