btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
