You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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