I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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