May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
